I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Randomize
