You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
