why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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