i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
