easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
