i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize
