i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
The beer is more important than you right now.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
