even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
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