I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
