I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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