ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
