YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
