i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
