I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize