Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
