so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Randomize
