At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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