In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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