You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
