you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
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