So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
