no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
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