im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
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