WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
