i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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