You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
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