people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
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