can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
