I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
