I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
