WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize