your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
