I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Randomize