I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
