all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Randomize
