the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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