i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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