When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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