he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
