As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
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