I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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