don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize
