She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
