ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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