I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
