New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
My ass is underappreciated
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
