Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
