So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
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