This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
