exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
what day is it and did you see me today?
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize