Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
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