im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
