Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
