If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Randomize
