I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
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