Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Randomize
