I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
