if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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