The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
i drank out of a bidet.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Randomize
