also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
i think i just lost a toe
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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