My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
