Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
