Got a toothbrush?
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Randomize
