Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
