are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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