Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
