I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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