I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
