i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
