I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Randomize
