how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
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