You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize