Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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